2005-02-27 at 6:01 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
 | Cheer Bear |
Thanks Heidi.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-02-24 at 2:48 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Oh, I have been busy busy busy! Like a bee, in fact. They may call this reading week, but I haven't done too much reading. I'm actually looking forward to doing some reading.
I got to my parent's place on Sunday night and continued working on my thesis almost immediately. I got my chapter on Suzy McKee Charnas mostly finished on Tuesday. I went shopping both Monday night and Tuesday during the day. I've spent so much money in these past few days that I wonder if I have any money left. I neeeeed a job the moment classes finish.
Wednesday was fabulous. My former professor, Miriam Jones, invited me to an SF talk given by Farah Mendlesohn on Children's SF at my old university, UNBSJ. It was really interesting. Farah made some interesting points on how SF after the 60s and 70s adopts the "new" sciences (such as sociology) and is fueled by the political atmosphere of the times (such as the feminist movement). However, this new wave of science fiction doesn't apply to Children's SF, which is really interesting. Children's SF also lacks the "thought experiment SF" which is SF that poses "what if..." questions (such as the question: "what if all the men on a planet were killed and women had to find ways to function alone..."; a lot of my thesis deals with thought experiment SF). I will have a lot to tell my supervisor at Acadia. Farah is actually coming to Acadia on March 9th so please, if you are in the Annapolis Valley, come to her talk. It promises to be excellent. I should know, I've seen her talk.
After the talk, Miriam, Farah, and I went to this lovely Thai place in uptown Saint John called Lemongrass. I had curry chicken and salad rolls, which reminded me of vegetable sushi, but they were dipped in a lovely peanut sauce. Excellent talk and excellent food. They braved my horrible driving skills, too.
So, today the fun continued. I had lunch with Miriam and we chatted very nicely about my thesis and future plans of mine. The thesis talk was very helpful. I finally feel confident about what I am doing with my thesis and have quite a few ideas for what to do with the rest of it. We also talked about what I wish to do after the Master's degree. I've been having rather serious ideas about going on to the PhD. I feel I was rash in saying I was not going to go on a few weeks ago. I'm still taking a year off, but I do want to be a professor. I feel anything else I did would be contrary to the person I am. Anyway, I've been having certain ideas about focusing on the (women's) coteries of the 18th century. Miriam made an interesting point that I simply had not thought of before. Both the SF and the coteries are related as literary movements. Apparantly, I'm not as random as I thought. I like movements. I like change. This is all because I am a sagittarius...
Ahh, astrology. My excuse for everything. I used it for my bad driving. I neglected to explain that I'd rather socialize than pay attention to the road... I doubt they would have gotten into the car with me then...
Now Miriam will never trust my driving again...
It was fun going back to my old university. I saw almost all of my old professors minus one. It was fabulous. It was odd, though, being back in those hallways. Much of UNBSJ for me was a recovery from my past. The walls represent nurturing, growth, and the move toward maturity. But it is much like visiting your family and your childhood house. I felt so mature and beyond it (not above it, just beyond the undergraduate experience), but, for a moment, it draws you back in time. It was good, though. It made me realize how far I have come in just a few months.
This whole year has been great in spite of the hard first semester. I've been so incredibly happy lately it seems like a dream. I've been losing weight (20 lbs since September and 15 lbs since Christmas vacation and the exclusion of pop, sugar, and white flour...which sucks now with all the clearance Valentine chocolate and the yummy looking Easter chocolate). I've been pretty healthy besides my lingering month-long cough which is now gone. This is going to sound really stupid and as if it is from a self-help book, but I feel like I have become the person I have always wanted to be. I am independent, successful, and happy.
Anyway, enough of the gushy-I-am-so-great-crap.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-02-16 at 7:40 a.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Once again, Piled Higher and Deeper epitomizes my feelings about Valentine's Day. However, this year I will not be taking part in the wonderful sales because I've decided to write-off all sugar from my diet. Three weeks so far without pop! I'm very proud of this, because I've been addicted to pop for years. I quit cold-turkey and I'm feeling great about it. I've increased the amount of vegetables in my life, too, which was always my bad area. AND....I am not eating white bread anymore! I never liked Whole Wheat bread before, but now I have discovered there is more to whole wheat bread than the horrible stuff my mother buys. There are ones with all sorts of seeds in them that taste yummy...(*drool*)
Something to note: Eating healthy food is a difficult and expensive task, especially when you live in a town that has just one tiny grocery store that sells either crappy decomposed fruit and vegetables or sells decent ones at incredible prices.
I can't wait until summer when all the farmer's markets and roadside fruit and veggie carts open up. Mmmmm, fresh fruit and veggies...(*drool*)
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-02-14 at 10:24 a.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
I've reached an impass on my thesis. For those of you in the dark on my thesis topic, my thesis is on "problematic" feminist utopias of the 1970s and 1980s. "Problematic" is my addition to the term because often the utopias are unresolved as to the solution to feminism as a practice (ie. they show the flaws within the utopia and yet do not reconcile the reader to them). In this sense, they actively engage in the feminist debate. In a nutshell, my thesis is a cultural analysis on how political movements manifest themselves in pop culture lit, such as science fiction, and how the politics reshape/re-write the genre. The impass I have reached is not with the cultural or theorectical aspect of my thesis as you would think. Although, I suppose in some ways it is. In order to give an accurate representation of the political movement in my thesis, I have to assess the literature for their political stance. Hence, I have to know "what the fuck" they are trying to say (excuse my language). The books I am looking at are: Joanna Russ's The Female Man, Suzy McKee Charnas's Walk to the End of the World and Motherlines, Sheri S. Tepper's The Gate to Women's Country, and Pamela Sargent's The Shore of Women. I've written a substantial portion of my chapter on Russ and begun my chapter on Charnas. My Russ chapter is fine in my opinion. I need to fine-tune it and edit it as soon as I get more of an idea of how I want to give the entire thesis a cohesiveness. It's the Charnas chapter that I've come to an impass over. I have a good theoretical stance for Walk to the End of the World, but a very feeble notion of what I want to say for Motherlines, which is the one I am supposed to care about more as it is a utopia.
I hate writer's block. It's evil and should be cured by drugs or a nice herbal remedy. I'm trying desperately to figure out this Charnas problem, but it's just not working. I may have to move on to the Tepper/Sargent chapter, but that means a lot of research on 1980's decline in feminism (more like a backlash really...) and how Tepper/Sargent respond to that. However, I do know where I want to go with them, though. It's a conundrum: Do I move on? or Do I figure this out right now?
Luckily, I am seeing my professor from UNBSJ, Dr. Miriam Jones, on this next week. Due to the lack of help I am getting here on my chapters/theory/thesis in general, I've decided to seek outside help. I really can't wait to discuss science fiction and feminism with her. I need more help in the background of feminist science fiction and I'm hoping she is familiar with the books, but, if not, I just need to chat with someone that will give me any feedback whatsoever that is not grammatical (because at this stage, why does grammar matter? That is for the editing process).
So, what is the grand point of this entry? I don't rightly know...which is how I feel about my thesis at the moment. Sigh.
For those of you who reached the end, I say HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU! (which goes out especially to a certain someone...hope your day is extra special *smile*)
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-02-10 at 8:56 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
I saw the most beautiful movie last night: Girl with a Pearl Earring with Scarlett Johannson and Colin Firth.
The movie rejected the usual stock fulfillment of sexual desire between Griet and Vermeer. Instead, Griet sought it in another knowing that it was impossible for her to transgress that boundary in spite of her desire to do so.
The most beautiful moment of the whole film was at the end when he sent her the pearls and they showed the painting.
I found this quotation online about the painting:
Edward A. Snow, A Study of Vermeer, 1979
Vermeer's wife in the movie exclaimed "it's obscene" after looking on it. I adored this painting before and yet knew little of the reason why. I have a new enjoyment for it. The movie did not bastardize the painting through a flippent tale on the love between a maid and a painter, but rather met the painting with the subtle love between not a maid and a painter, but two intellectual equals.
I recommend this movie highly.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-02-03 at 11:33 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
So, go and check out Heidi's blog for today in which she laments our classes this term. It's true. Our classes are not as fun as last semester. I'm not very motivated for either of them: Six American Confessional Poets and Middle English Romances (AKA: "Sex, Swords, and Sin", which is out professor's title to the class). Poetry is my least favourite thing. Even reading Middle English is more exciting for me than reading poetry. Although we are covering some poets I enjoy: Anne Sexton, Adrienne Rich, and Sylvia Plath. The Middle English would go better if I had more time on my hands to read 10 pages every hour. I hope this pace speeds up as I get more used to it.
A year ago I took Renaissance Poetry in which we read part of Spenser's The Fairie Queene, which is not Middle English but harkens back to Middle English. I got very good at reading it and actually enjoyed it immensely. However, Spenser meant something by every image. I am having a hard time finding meaning in these Romances. I loved the FQ. I actually really loved that entire class (Renaissance Poetry), which was surprising because I bemoaned having to take it. However, I had Sandra Bell as my professor and should have known it would be wonderful. She is a wonderful person and an even better professor. I took an entire course on Milton just to take another course with her in my fourth year. I didn't know how much I loved Milton, but I really really do! I guess it's her fault. Anyway, I've taken Middle English before and found out that it is not my favourite (besides Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, which is a serious exception to my less than positive attitude to Middle English). I keep waiting for my moment of jouissance--that "orgasmic" moment of loving what I am learning. Yet, it does not come (pun intended).
The other girls in my program suggest that our classes are being pulled down by the inclusion of the honour's students. I agree. However, my ultimate dissatisfaction derives from the lack of jouissance. I have no feeling for what I am studying. I want to find something/anything of interest in these works. I desire it. I miss theory. I miss line for line search for symbolism and meaning. I miss the jouissance that comes from finding those invisible substances that make literature great. Last semester I felt the jouissance every moment. Now I seek it in social interaction, alcohol, stupid television shows, and the latest new release.
I've lost my jouissance...will anyone help me find it?
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-01-28 at 8:22 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
I did this IQ test. I scored the same as Heidi, which is nice because it stops any competition between us...maybe... :) I did, however, get different results than her. She was told she is a complex intellectual. I am a Numerical Logician:
Andrea, your Super IQ score is 131
Your overall intelligence quotient is the result of a scientifically-tested formula based on how many questions you answered correctly. But it's only part of what we learned about you from your answers on the test. We also determined the way you process information.
The way you think about things makes you a Numerical Logician. This means that you're exceptionally strong in mathematics and at using logic to solve problems � you have a way with numbers. But that's not all � compared to others you're very detail-oriented, highly organized, and good at understanding things on a complex and abstract level. You're also a quick study when it comes to learning new things or understanding new concepts.
How did we determine that your thinking style is that of a Numerical Logician? When we examined your test results further, we analyzed how you scored on 8 dimensions of intelligence: spatial, organizational, abstract reasoning, logical, mechanical, verbal, visual and numerical. The 3 dimensions you scored highest on combine to make you a Numerical Logician. Only 6 out of 1,000 people have this rare combination of abilities.
I was always good at math, but I found it really boring because I would always figure it out and then have to sit through class while the others caught up. I took 3 OAC (Ontario Academic Credit or Grade 13 in high school) credits in Math: calculus, finite, and algebra/geometry. I took them all in my last semester of high school. I actually enjoyed the monotony of work.
On a completely unrelated topic (or maybe it is related), I have no idea what to do with my life. I know that I will not do a PhD in English now, but I'm not sure what other options I want to go for. I was thinking of doing a Masters of Library and Information Science in a few years. I've been drawn to the program for a few years and always considered it as a good option. The University of Western Ontario offers a year Masters program and a PhD program. However, the program (in all universities) is highly competitive and hard to get into.
Another option is to get a BEd, which is a two-year program at most universities in the country. My masters will give me a push in the market. I think teaching high school English would drive me nuts, though. I would prefer to teach at an adult institution or a private/gifted school.
I know I will be doing further studies. There is no question about that. Unless I get a really good, statisfying, high-paying job in the fall...I doubt I am done with learning.
The question is what to do with my life...and that question is a big one.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-01-27 at 6:57 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Today marks the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz. 1.5 million people died in Auschwitz. For many people in the world, the mention of the word Auschwitz makes one's face fall in sorrow. I am not Jewish. I have never experienced murder or assault of anyone in my life. Tonight on the ATV news, a survivor made the point, "Imagine everyone in Nova Scotia dying around you and you, by some luck, surviving. How would you feel?" Remember Auschwitz. Remember the Holocaust.
Survivors, world leaders pay tribute to Auschwitz victims
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-01-24 at 10:48 a.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Snow day again. I'm starting to think that if our professor doesn't add another class then we won't be able to do one of the books of poetry. Two Mondays in a row, class has been cancelled. Both days that I was supposed to present. Is someone telling me something? Should I just never present?
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-01-23 at 10:58 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
That's it. I am going into hibernation. We have at least a foot more of snow today on top of the other two AND IT KEEPS SNOWING!!!!!
On the plus side, if it keeps going...I won't have to do my presentation again.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-01-23 at 12:50 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Woke up and turned on the tv.
Today on Question Period there was a lot of talk about caucuses and whether the liberals had a bigger caucus than the conservatives and whether a bigger caucus matters. There was also talk about same sex marriage and whether Martin's caucus would go along with him. Martin is keen on same sex for his caucus, but whether his caucus cooperates is another question...
That's it...I'm going back to bed...
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-01-22 at 11:24 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
I got so effin bored I made another template. This is the last one I think...unless people are having a hard time reading the font. Please say you aren't. I love this template...
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-01-22 at 7:19 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
I'm so effin bored I could chew off my own arm for amusement.
I think I am suffering from some sort of ADD/weekend flu. I need stimulation. Music! Friends! Alcohol! Anything!
Today I went to a candle party, which was really weird. I knew nobody there except for Lisa, my firestation friend from the blackout. Lisa was the hostess and so she stood up, rather nervously, and attempted to sell us candles. She did pretty well, too, in spite of her nervousness. I spent quite a bit, but luckily I put it on my credit card and won't be feeling that expense for a while. Besides, I got a free gift.
Anyway, that bit of "stimulation" wasn't enough. Mostly because I didn't know anyone and had only a bit of fun.
Corey, Lisa's boyfriend, dropped me off at the mall. I bought 3 batteries for my laser pointer and got my necklace back from being repaired at the jewellry store.
Got home and played with my cat. She chased the laser's dot around for a half hour and then commenced sneezing for a few minutes.
There is nothing on T.V. Nothing on the internet. Nothing to do.
You see how bored I am?!
I want to go somewhere and do something with people and alcohol. I know, how non-specific of me...
That's it. I'm chewing my arm off.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-01-19 at 3:26 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Okay. This is the newest template. To check out the previous one, click on "archives" in the sidebar.
Vote on which one you prefer.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-01-18 at 7:22 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
I'm not so sure about this new template.
Tell me what you think...
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-01-17 at 9:26 a.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Remember how I said I have a presentation today? Cancelled due to snowy conditions. Yay! A snow day. It's 9:30 AM and I can go back to bed. Wake up, finish my presentation, and work on the mini-paper I have due on Thursday. This is great!
And I thought I had back luck...
(Well, if the power goes out...I will...heh heh...where is wood to knock on when you need it????)
I looked out my window and there is at least 2-3 feet of snow preventing me from leaving the apartment. Hopefully the plow will come and the door won't be obstructed, but who cares? I'm not back on campus until Wednesday. Heh heh.
I do, however, have a nasty looking hairball waiting for me to clean up. This is the not-so-fun part of having a cuddly long-hair cat like my Trinity-love-bug.
I get to spend the day with my baby curled up with hot chocolate (with cinnamon and mini-marshmellows). YAY!
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-01-14 at 3:50 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
There was a beautiful rainbow in the Annapolis Valley today. It was a full rainbow, the kind with gold at both ends, with deep colours. Today it was 13 degrees celcius. A beautiful, if windy, day. I wish I had a picture.
It doesn't seem like January. I wish it were April, but alas I am just beginning this semester instead of finishing it.
I miss the colour green.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-01-10 at 9:40 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Well, back to the books. I have a presentation in a week. Yee-haw! That was fake enthusiasm. Class was better than expected. I was put on the spot to talk about the Suburbs in the 1950s and what they meant for women and how feminists reacted against them. It was super-fun! Fake enthusiasm, again. Trinity was okay while I was gone. I'm thinking of taking her back to my parent's place in six weeks during reading week. I'm not sure if this is the best place for her. I love her here, but I don't know about the whole concealment and fear and the depravation of stimulants I am putting her through. It sucks in this place. It's not even fit for an animal. Besides if I take her home in six weeks, I will see her again in two months and for good after that. I won't leave her after that except for a few days here and there.
Having a cat is like having a kid. You always worry whether you are making the right choices.
It's so nice having her here, though. I just wish she would sleep with me again. (and that the landlord would let me have her here)
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-01-07 at 10:37 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Well, I am back in Wolfville with Trinity cat. I've been here since Tuesday night. Basically, I've been suffering from anxiety these few days. My thoughts: "What was that noise? Is that the landlord coming in? Will my neighbour come in and let the cat out of the bag so to speak? What if...What if...????" I can't seem to calm down. Then today who stops by, but the landlord's wife? Well, my heart was pounding in my ears and I felt like throwing up afterwards. First time I've ever seen her and she has to come and knock on my door. Of course it's all about rent checks and the fact that I need to send some more to her and her husband. Of course, I'll probably not see her again for the rest of the time, but it seems to me that the one thing you dread happening always and forever happens. Say you worry about money. It inevitably happens that the car breaks down or you need snow tires or your house catches on fire. I think it's a Murphy's Law or something. I've got to get out of this place and interact with people. I just wish I could bring my cat with me. I went to get groceries before my mother left on Wednesday morning and was filled with anxiety the entire time. I worried about her and whether she was being good and quiet or not. It will be great on Monday when I am at school for hours and she is here. Yes, that was sarcasm. I'm trying not to worry, but I have a tendency to do this no matter how hard I try not to. Also, the problem is that when you are waiting for something horrible to happen it just eats you up. I'm about to call up my landlord and let the cat out of the bag, so to speak, just to get rid of this horrible anxiety I have. At least then I would know what would happen. I wouldn't mind leaving this apartment. I like living alone, but I hate my apartment. It sucks ass. I need advice on how to stop being so anxious. Anyone got any?
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-01-04 at 12:57 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
A few days ago I saw Garden State on DVD from writer/director/actor Zach Braff. I had high hopes going into the movie and was actually surprised by it being far far far better than I expected. When this movie came out, I heard very little about it. Although, I wanted desperately to see it. I wish I had. It's truly a great movie. The writing is superb given that the only other thing I know Zach Braff from is Scrubs which is a less than stellar show that I watch most Sundays when there is nothing on my two channels. Although Zach Braff is a funny guy and good for a laugh or two, I never expected such "amazingness" from him. The realism in this movie is amazing. He truly captures life. Maybe not mine, but then who wants to watch my life? But it's the life of someone who is incredibly disatisfied with his life. He returns home to "Garden State" after 9 years of absence because of his mother's death. At first it seems as if he will simply be doomed to a life of drifting around inaffectually, but then his life slowly comes into focus after meeting an intriguing woman played by Natalie Portman (who should never have done the Star Wars movies, because she is too good of an actress for that). The story that evolves between the two is beautiful. The movie is a mix of comedic moments, dramatic moments, and "bizarrities." It captures a few bizarre days in this man's life. I have to say that it is perhaps the best movie I've seen in the past year. I've really liked a few others, but this takes the cake for cinematic quality. In addition, it has a fucken good soundtrack. If you watch this movie on my recommendation, however, please note that there is drug use at the beginning, but it isn't one of "those" movies. It's a truly fabulous movie. Now, go to my wish list and buy me the movie and soundtrack! Kidding...sorta...
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-01-02 at 11:16 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
I'm going home on Tuesday. The next couple of days are going to be nuts. I have to spend money I don't have, do laundry, pack, clean, and then drive for five hours with my cat, who hates hates hates being in the car. When I moved to New Brunswick, my mother and I drove there with all my stuff and my cat. It is a 15 hour drive. Longer from London, Ontario. But we stopped for a couple days at my grandparents in Picton. So, from there: 15 hours. We did it in one day and kept each other awake as we drove. I still had my beginners so my mother had to stay awake the entire time, but not driving was nice for her. My cat had this covered litter box at the time. We put it between the seats in the van with the intention to let her sit on my lap. She was so afraid she simply sat in the litter box the entire time. She never used the litter box, though. She was too afraid. Anyway, this time I have a cat carrier for her. Not terribly comfortable, but she will feel safe in it.
When we get to my place, late on Tuesday, I have to "cat-proof" the apartment. In other words: Make it so that the neighbours don't even know there is a cat there. It will be okay. I'm sure it will. I'm worried, though, because she isn't supposed to be there. But when such stupid rules as not allowing pets are made up, they deserve to be broken. Besides, who could not just love my baby Trinity?
I'm a bundle of worries, though. That I am not making the right choice for her. That I am not making the right choice for my health (I am allergic to my cat by some awful act of God and my apartment is super tiny). That I am not making the "smart" choice and obeying my landlord's rules (stupid rules, but I'm all for rules as an ESFJ personality).
I'm going against everything that I usually do. I am breaking rules and "seeing how things go." The truth is that I need my cat. More than she needs me, but she does need me. I need her to be there for me, to crawl under the covers when I am crying and feeling "under the weather," to pet when I need a hug, to play with when I am bored and feeling playful, to feed and take care of (because it's never good to only care for yourself), to fill the room up with meows and purrs, and a million other things that only my Trinity cat can do.
I have a firm belief that had I not gotten Trinity I would not be who I am today. She is my savior. I was lost in a depression when I got her. I seriously needed her and when the little fluffy grey and white kitten crawled in my lap and fell asleep I knew she and I belonged together. I hate saying I "own" Trinity. I really hate that word. I don't "own" her. She completes me. I know, I know..."scary cat lady" here, but if you only knew. Sorry to my best friend, sorry to my nephew and neice, sorry to my mother and sister, sorry to all the people I love and adore, but of any relationship my relationship with my cat is the best. I know what you are thinking: "that's probably because she doesn't talk back." Well, then you've never had a cat claw stuck in the back of your hand for playing when they want to sleep. Cats can be nasty some times. We were just made for each other. She and I have been together for almost five years now. Best five years I've had.
I can't wait to have her with me. In spite of the anxiety and the massive zit because of it, this semester is going to rock with her there.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2005-01-01 at 12:52 a.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
May this year bring you much luck and happiness.
Sincerely,
Andrea
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