2004-12-24 at 1:46 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Last night I was visited by three ghosts: The Ghost of Christmas Crap, The Ghost of Christmas Pres-nit, and The Ghost of Christmas Fumes.
The first Ghost came to me and told me of all the Christmas Crap being sold. The world abounds with barking angels and quaking snowman. He told me to sign my soul over to the devil so that I could spend all my money on this crap that stays in a box for 11 months of the year. I cried and bemoaned my fate of buying all the crap until I saw a meowing Santa/Cat and eventually succumed. I signed my soul away and now have 54 meowing Santa/Cats and a hell of a lot of tinsel.
The second Ghost came and told me of the Pres-nit of the United States. He said, "You must watch the White House christmas promotional video until you go blind." He set me in front of the tv, taped my eyes open, and tied me to the chair. I am now blind and brain-washed. All hail Pres-nit Bush!
The third Ghost felt bad for me. He had been watching the other two make me do those awful things. He handed me a dubie and we lit up. I eventually ate all the meowing Santa/Cat because of a bad case of the munchies. The pot killed all the brain cells that harboured the evil Pres-nit brainwashing. I am now in the hospital being preped for surgery to remove the 54 Santa/Cats from my stomach.
The moral of this story (because every story has a moral...even Kafka's "Metamorphosis": "Don't trust your family should you turn into a bug."):
Don't listen to Ghosts. After all, they are dead and they like to play with the living. Oh, and:
BAH HUMBUG!
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-12-21 at 4:47 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
To my loyal readers: HELP!!!!
My mind is like mushy peas: green and bubbly, but not very good at moving quickly.
I am having a lot of problems with Haloscan comments: some entries do not have the comments posted on the bottom and my page always has errors on it. If anyone knows how to fix this or who has a better comments generator. Please email me at: hardest_itch (at) yahoo.ca
Or post a comment if the stupid link shows up...
Argh.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-12-21 at 4:14 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Christmas is a far off possibility. Like a dream almost. I've not been excited or happy about it. I'm somewhat morose about the whole possibility of having to spend more time with my family. As much as I love them, I wish I could go home and bask in the silence of my bachelor(ette) apartment. It's so loud here and people are so demanding. Life goes at a quicker pace and things are more spontaneous than I am used to.
I love living alone. There is something about cleaning up when you want to, doing the dishes when you want to, doing the laundry when you are ready to, and so on. Everything is on my schedule. I don't let things get too bad, but I don't agonize over them. My family gives me stress. I've realized this in the two weeks of being home. When in the presence of my family, I run around trying to make everyone happy and not really caring about me. This is hard when you are trying to write a final paper and 20 pages of your thesis. But the papers are all done with now. I have to read feminist pieces and write/re-write my thesis and do two PowerPoint presentations on "writing an essay" and "time management" for one of my jobs. But I don't devote much time to this, which is mostly because I am burnt-out and because my family is demanding. My mother is making me clean my room, which would be fine, but it's not my room. She's making me clean the window, which would be fine, but it's not my window. I miss my apartment. I miss the quiet. (My neice is in the "screaming" stage of the terrible 3's) I miss being alone. I've been alone for exactly four hours since for the two weeks I've been here. I've not been sleeping. I've been suffering from allergies. And, I've had to re-write a paper I wrote in the midst of this. What I mean to say is that "home" is not where my family is anymore. "Home" here is okay and all for a visit, but for a more than two weeks it becomes oppressive. When I came home at Thanksgiving, it was nice. I missed everyone so much. But now...I just want to take my cat and jet. (Yes, I am going against the Landlord and "sneaking" in my cat for the next semester and the summer) Christmas holds no excitement for me. Sure, it will be nice, but my brothers are coming. The house will be even more loud. And think of the mess, and think of the dishes, and think of the laundry, and think of the food... (Yes, please think of the food, because this past semester it's been a meal-a-day and I lost all this weight, but now...I feel yucky and full)
Oh well, two more weeks. I guess I just need a good night's sleep and some stronger allergy pills.
But it's interesting that I'm actually home sick for a place I didn't consider much of a home until now.
Living alone is so nice...
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-12-13 at 12:12 a.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Well, I am at my parent's place now. Have been since Wednesday and will be here until January 5th. It seemed like a good idea at the time to come home for a month. However, I wasn't finished my last essay or the 20 pages of my thesis due on the 16th. It took me forever to actually get down to work. Fortunately, I finished my last paper for 20th century British Gothic and Family Law. It sucks and still needs to be edited, but it's finished. Just ten more pages of my thesis left to go, also.
I don't want to work, though. Today I alternated between writing my essay and putting up decorations on the christmas tree. Putting the ornaments on was really fun except for moments when my neice would almost break an ornament or step on the strand of lights we were trying to put up. The fun stopped the moment I trudged back upstairs to my room to write a few pages of my essay. I just don't know if it is possible to shop for the last christmas presents I need and get these ten pages done. I have so much to do over this next month and a lot of it is to be done before Thursday.
The graduate student is a special kind of person. We procrastinate and then we complain about the work we have to do in a few days. But we also possess a certain degree of masochism. I mean, fuck, who in the hell would put themselves through this shit unless they were masochistic. I just want to get through this vacation with a nice balance of work versus fun. I want to go back home and feel happy about this time, because the next few months are scary. Courses and millions of pages of my thesis to be done at the end of June. I have to be better with managing my time next semester so that I can get it all done and not feel so panicked and stressed this time around. I don't work well under pressure.
Of course, all this is an informal way of making new year's resolutions.
In other news, I'm bringing my cat home with me in spite of the landlord's rule. My cat needs me, I need her. It's this whole needy thing. I cannot do all I need to do without her. She adds so much to my life: comfort, routine, structure, and that added bonus of someone to come home to. She de-stresses me.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-12-08 at 10:16 a.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
When I came here, I was not very vocal in the fact that I have a blog. Because I love the small blogging community from UNBSJ so much, I wasn't sure that the blogging community here would fulfill my expectations and I wasn't ready to branch out. However, Heidi, my fellow English grad student, started up her blog a while ago: Chronicles of Acadia. She was recently followed by another fellow english grad student, Chantal. Chantal's blog, The Wolfville Roar is only two-entries old, but very funny and good. Now, I question their motives (can we say, procrastination?), but hey...that's my motive right now. Heh heh heh.
You know everyone knocks procrastination, but everyone forgets that there are two kinds of procrastination: constructive and destructive. I deem blogging constructive procrastination along with cleaning and baking cookies and shopping (but not clothes or book shopping or really shopping for anything but necessities, such as those much needed candy bars to get you through writing 50 pages). Destructive procrastination encompasses shopping for everything but necessities, reading books that have nothing to do with anything you are studying (such as this book of financial facts that Ashley, another english grad, tried to hand me yesterday....but I resisted...oh yes I did OR those funky "how to survive a shark attack" books that I love so much), watching movies or tv, or staring at the wall for inspiration for...hours. All of these things I've done.
I have my reasons for not thinking blogging is destructive procrastination:
1) It involves the act of writing, which if you are supposed to be writing 50 pages...is good in my mind. Puts you in the mood for it, so to speak.
2) It involves thinking. Some would say that writing an entry on why blogging is good for you wouldn't involve thinking very hard, but I laugh at those people. Writing a blog entry can be very thoughtful and like the above reason this thinking is good, because it puts you in the mood for other thinking.
3) It's distraction. Some would say this is bad, but I figure distracting yourself from your essay at a really bad point where you suffer from the danger of staring at walls for hours is much better served with blogging. Besides, we do all sorts of subconscious thinking. Right now, I'm both writing this entry and thinking about the page and half of my thesis I have to write before noon.
Anyway, those are my reasons for loving blogging. It's constructive procrastination. I should make a t-shirt of that...
Chantal and I are going to make two t-shirts:
One will say: The Folk Others
(which is an inside joke with us and means nothing to you unfortunate people)
Another will say: For rodents, boys rock!
(which is another inside joke with us and means nothing to you unfortunate people)
I want to add:
Blogging: It's Constructive Procrastination.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-12-03 at 11:44 a.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
I was link hopping both today and yesterday and found some funky thing:
Textbook disclaimer stickers: Makes me wonder what my disclaimer should be: "This blog mentions grad school. Grad school is a theory, and very few people understand it. This subject is controversial and should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered."
Myers-Briggs Personality Test: Thanks to my fellow grad student, Heidi, I spent all yesterday wasting my time with this test. I found out I am an ESFJ (Extrovert/Sensing/Feeling/Judging), which is apparently the caregiver. To find more about ESFJs and their best matches go to this site and check it out. I must say that I took the test twice and came up with different results both times. the FJ stayed the same, but my ES became IN (Introvert/iNtuitive). I realized that my ES is weak and sits very close to 50/50. So here is the profile for an INFJ.
Astrology and Myers-Briggs are rampant in my little group of english grad students. We are forever talking about this stuff as distraction from our last 50 pages of essay writing to do. I must say that our group is nicely matched. We all get along very well. But then...that could be my ESFJ personality and my inability to see anything but good in my friends.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-11-23 at 3:15 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
I did nothing this weekend. Hence, my scrambling to read at least 200 pages of Johnston's Colony of Unrequited Dreams. I'm enjoying it so far, but I can't read for three hours straight without going crazy. My head hurts and my eyes are even worse right now. The latter might be remedied by putting my glasses on...but I've never been sensible.
Anyway, so I'm yet again behind, because I chose to sleep 24 hours this weekend rather than actually work. So, now I don't know what to start on.
Should I:
a)Start on my second Gothic and Law essay and aim to finish that by the weekend, or
b)Start writing the 20-30 pages of my thesis that are due on the 20th, or
c)Just continue reading Colony of Unrequited Dreams?
Decisions, decisions. I mean, I know I should try to read more of the book, but I know I won't finish it and so my motivation has gone down in spite of it being a really good read. The gothic and law essay is the most recent thing due (the 3rd-ish), so I should really do some work on that. However, I'm supposed to have 10 pages of my thesis for my supervisor on Friday. The weekend is not looking very productive unless I do nothing but work on Sunday, but Sunday is my birthday and it seems wrong to work on your birthday. I go home in two weeks. It doesn't seem possible to have 55 pages to write in two weeks. I guess I have to do the impossible and work on both my gothic essay and my thesis at the same time...
If only I had four hands and two computers...
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-11-19 at 1:54 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
I'm finished with my law essay except for editing. On to the gothic and law essay. FYI, I wrote my law essay on Patriarchal Ideology and Matrimonial Law. I'm thinking my gothic essay will focus on elements of lawlessness in Asylum by Patrick McGrath (a very good book about a woman falling in love with a mental patient while she is married) and how the lawlessness creates invisibility within society, but this is just a working idea. I'm excited about writing it. I hope to finish it by Tuesday and then begin work on 15 pages of my Thesis, which I will have done by Sunday at which time I will start in on my last essay in Atlantic Fiction (on Maxine Tynes and George Elliot Clarke), which I hope to finish on the 2nd, at which time I will collapse in exhaustion, but still need to write 15 more pages of my thesis by the 17th (would have been the 20th, but my thesis supervisor is leaving sans laptop on the 18th).
When will it end?????? Why!!!!??? Why did I choose this? Why????
In all honesty, I love writing essays and reading books critically. Although, sometimes, I wish I had time to say...watch season 7 of Buffy or go shopping with my new friend from the blackout, Lisa. But no, us lowly grad students don't need to have fun. That's for 1st and 2nd year undergrads.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-11-17 at 12:47 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
So, everything is returning to "normal."
Not really...
I lost two days of work which put me a week behind in everything. I'm struggling to find time to work on the last three essays and 20-30 pages of my thesis. I have about 5 1/2 - 6 pages done of my law essay and a good outline for the last half. I have a clear idea formulating for my gothic & law essay and a clear idea for my Atlantic fiction essay. It's my thesis that is seriously neglected and the last two books in my courses.
I'm also not feeling very well. I think I am coming down with a cold. My stomach is still rejecting food. I have four loads of laundry to do and a hell of a lot of groceries to replace. My ketchup went bad. How can ketchup go bad? It smelled really awful. But then I think that was because my fridge smelled really awful. I have to clean that out, too. Sigh. So much housekeeping to do. There goes Christmas...
However...
I am grateful for light and warmth. Also, I have a new friend (the woman I met at the fire station on Monday).
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-11-15 at 11:48 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Ok, so I live in Nova Scotia in Annapolis Valley. For those of you who don't know, there was a huge snowstorm Saturday night. But it wasn't just snow, oh no, it was wet snow and rain. The result of this: Many MANY MANY downed power towers. The result of this: days without power.
Saturday night was a good night. I spent the day working on an essay that is long overdue (and yet doesn't have a due date...so it seemed justified to put it off...). I went to the grocery store and took a cab home. It was like winter wonderland. All the snow flakes were huge and pretty and the place looked like Christmas. Oh, how deceiving it was. I went home, had ravioli, and spoke with my best friend. Then I worked on my essay till 1 am. I fell asleep almost immediately.
Sunday was a bad day. I woke up in complete cold. It was colder than a witch's teat. There was no power. Outside, it was icy and cold. Inside, it was icy and cold. I thought for a second: "Perhaps God had been confused by this concept of inside versus outside." But no, God decided an act of nature was needed to make me become confused about inside versus outside. My phone did not work as it is a portable phone and runs off power. My stove did not work and so what I ate on Sunday amounted to roasted mini marshmellows over candle-light and a can of green beans. Mmmmmmmm! But not very filling...or good. That night, I was colder than I ever have been and suffering from a great deal of stress. I did not know what was going on or when the power would come back on. I had hopes. Then my neighbour came over and lent me a radio. Announcers said, "Power might not be on until the end of the week." My hope left. I was seriously depressed and very very VERY worried about the next night in the dark and in the cold and in the silence. I didn't sleep. I didn't eat. I didn't get very much done at all except a lot of worrying.
Monday was a very weird day. I woke up, so cold, so very very cold. I kept waking up in the night and hacking because my lungs were so cold. I buried myself under the covers and eventually got a couple hours of sleep between 6am and 10am. I decided to walk and find some place that was warm. I walked downtown and found myself fighting back tears because I was so incredibly stressed from a night of no sleep and being so cold and hungry. I ended up at the fire station's shelter and burst out crying upon entering from stress and relief at finding warmth and light and food and people. I managed to calm down and was "adopted" by a mother of three, Lisa. She was a dream in a nightmare. We talked and she made me feel better. We really have so much in common. I eventually ate something, but wasn't able to eat much, because my stomach was so sore from nerves. I left there around 3 and went up to my office where I met (by some chance of God) two of my fellow Grad students. We went to the church and had coffee. The power came on in the church. It was bizarre. I found hope in church. I walked home and unfortunately power did not come on until 10 pm. It flickered for a few hours so I didn't believe it when it came on. I was like, "Sure, and when I blow out the candles...." I threw out $50+ worth of food. I luckily still have my chicken. I still can't eat. My stomach is really sore. I may need some time to calm down. I feel better, though. At least now I am warm and surrounded in light and the lovely noise of my television.
I think I may have post-traumatic stress syndrome. Mainly because my stomach hurts, I can't stop shaking, and, every time the news mentioned the power outage, I broke out in tears. It was hard and cold and dark and lonely.
Now, I have to catch up on all the work I couldn't do in the dark.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-11-09 at 12:36 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Here is the pic of me on Halloween:
BOOooo!!!!!
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-11-07 at 6:59 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
I'm having a hard time getting things done lately. I've had a great deal of work to do in these past weeks: essays, presentations, classes to teach, books to read, etc, etc. Perhaps because I've had such a large amount of work, I've had no motivation whatsoever to do it.
It's somewhat like being in front of a firing squad and being asked "What is 1+1?" Rather than answering, I stare blankly and figure: "Well, they're going to shoot anyway..."
Mostly it is just this one essay. I plow through with everything else because those assignments have due dates. But this one essay doesn't. It's an essay without a place. Quite frankly, I don't give a shit about the essay. It's on 20th century British Family Law. I know, what is a graduate student in English Literature doing with a Law essay? Don't ask me.
How do you get motivated to write an essay on a topic you have no desire to study in the first place?????
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-11-03 at 1:50 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Fucken HELL!!!!!!!
The monkey is the president agian.
The Donkey gave up.
Jesus, deliver us from evil.
In addition:
Divided they stand.
What is Bush going to do with such a divided nation?
Look at the map. So much red...
Bush is going to paint the world in blood. He's already started.
Bring on the four horsemen.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-11-02 at 6:38 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
So, tonight is the American election.
Let's hope and pray that the fucker isn't re-elected.
In other news...
I went out on Devil's Night. I was a dead catholic school girl. Other words, zombie. I had a head wound and gorey blood running down my face. Everyone agreed I looked really cool. I'll post the pictures as soon as I get them.
Note: Removing blood and fake cuts is no fun when you are drunk. I poked my eye like a thousand times. I would hate to see what would have happened if I were drunk while putting it on.
Tomorrow, I teach again. This time: Charlotte Perkins Gilman's "The Yellow Wallpaper." It will be fun. I'm doing a PowerPoint Presentation and then showing a clip from a movie. They should have fun. If not, it's not my job.
My place is a sty, so is my office. I'm highly disorganized at the moment. I need about 24 hours of free time to go shopping (groceries and other things) and clean both my apartment and office. But looking at my schedule for the next month, I'm thinking 2 minutes of free time is asking too much: 50+ pages for essays, 2 presentations, 3 novels, 2 plays, and a breakdown = priceless.
I'll be home in 5 1/2 weeks, though. Woopee.
Sincerely,
Andrea
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