2004-10-26 at 11:04 a.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
I taught my first class on Thursday. It was on the Romantic qualities of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. It was bitch'n. I know that I can improve my teaching style, but I totally loved it. I had 20+ ickle firsties paying attention to me and believing every word I said. It was great.
Next class I teach is on Nov. 3rd on Charlotte Perkins Gilman's "The Yellow Wallpaper." I'm not sure what to say about that just yet. Any suggestions?
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-10-19 at 1:10 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
This weekend was the "Surf's Up" conference of Atlantic Canadian critics and writers. Although my weekend was lost and I never slept in once (unheard of for me!), I had a great deal of fun. I went to a talk on regionalism, a reading by Lynn Coady and Michael Crummey, the summary panel, and then a reading by Harry Thurston and Anne Compton. The summary panel consisted of David Creelman (a prof of mine at UNBSJ and author of Setting in the East), Danielle Fuller (author of Writing the Everyday: Women's Textual Communities in Atlantic Canada) and Ross Leckie (a professor at UNBF of whom, I must admit, I know little about being recently introduced into the Atlantic literature critical world). It just happened that the conference coincided with my reading response on a chapter in Danielle Fuller's book so I was already considering regionalism. The topic that came up a lot was how Atlantic Canada is seen in relation to the rest of Canada in the literary community (those "essentialist" ideas of our literature ie. Anne of Green Gables as THE Maritime lit) and how literary regionalism somewhat ignores the cultural diversity in the region. That is a lot of what Fuller says in her book, too. Stephen Harper's comments about our "culture of defeat" came up a lot. There were funny moments when someone made the comment that we've been "screwed" by the centre (ie. Ontario) and then someone followed up with the idea of the feminization of Atlantic culture. All of it really got my mind going. I find Atlantic literature really enjoyable. It was my first experience of a conference and I must say that I really enjoyed the small part of it I heard. The closeness of the conference really touched me. I mean everyone knew everyone else for the most part and had read their works. I walked down Main Street in Wolfville and saw Michael Crummey, who smiled at me. To me, being a Master's student in English, I see both critics and writers as pseudo-celebrities. It was so amazing to talk with them. Also, I didn't realize how big David Creelman was in the Atlantic Literary scene. All this time, I had been taught by a pseudo-celebrity.
The conference was great. I actually have to write a report on it for my Atlantic lit class. Due next week. I think I might have trouble staying within the word length (but that is actually a normal occurence for me...).
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-10-04 at 6:29 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Well, I've been here for four weeks. Four weeks a graduate student. Four weeks without my cat. Four weeks away from my family. Four weeks of taking care of myself.
Years ago, when I first went off to university, at four weeks I should have gone home. At four weeks, I was not taking care of myself. I was not being a good student. However, I stuck it out then and eventually transfered to UNBSJ, because, after multiple psychiatrists, I realized I just needed my mommy. Oh well, people make mistakes. They learn. I learned. I still got my BA and then I got my BA honours and now here I am: a graduate student.
So, after four weeks here as that "graduate student", I learned:
a) this year will be hard,
b) this year will leave me exhausted, and
c) this year will be a success.
Sometimes I revert into that "eighteen-year old" sensibility. I collapse in defeat and feel I cannot pick myself up and do that work that is required of me. Sometimes I am pretty sure that I'm not made for graduate student life. But then again, I have these moments of clarity where I realize what a baby I am being and how emotionally immature I am. Duck and cover does not get you further if there is nothing to duck. Besides even if there is a nuclear bomb to duck and cover...come on...it's still going to hit you. There is no running from life, because it continues.
My first mark in graduate student life was horrible. Well, not horrible, but worse than I expected considering it was on a presentation. I encountered that evil world of being a "good" student and not an "excellent" one. Okay, so it was a B+, but last year my Bs were few and far between. I guess the moral of this story is: go with the flow. Graduate life can seriously undermine your belief in yourself, but if I think of that B+ in the context of graduate school and given the fact that I was suffering from serious stomach cramps during the entire presentation, I suddenly feel better about it. I don't think some of the critique was mitigated, but I don't really care. I know that this mark will motivate me for the rest of the year.
Anyway, after four weeks and one "good" mark (not "excellent"), I am ok. Tired and suffering from the after-effects of food poisoning, but I'm ok.
My thesis is steadily moving along. The proposal is due in two weeks. I teach my first class in two weeks. I mark my first papers next week. I have essays and books to begin. I have an apartment that suffers from lack of room for all the books I try to cram in it. But, in case you were worried about the manic depressive shifts in my entries, I am ok. "Good" not "excellent" but OK.
I can't wait to see my mommy and my cat and the rest of the family on Friday. I love Thanksgiving.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-09-27 at 9:34 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Ahhhhhh...that's better.
Things are...good. Oddly enough. It took a bit and a cute guy to make me feel better. OMG, I am so shallow! Whatever! Sometimes I just need a good conversation to make me feel better. Last week was like the breaking point. It was pretty bad. I was lonely, sad, and suffering from major writer's block. Now, this week: I've done my first presentation, talked to a million students, and had tons of candy (damn halloween!). I feel good. I'm way more connected to people this week. Last week, I started work with the counseling centre. I tutor students with learning disorders. It feels good to help people. Although, some of them just need confidence boosts. I may show them the way, but they really knew the way themselves and just needed affirmation. So, things are going well. I still really miss my cat and am prone to sit and contemplate my loss of her, but it's less of a "salt in the wound" feeling and more of a "I'll see her in next week." Maybe thanksgiving is what is perking me up? I don't know, but time is less oppressive. I'm thinking more in chapters and less in 5000 page books. As you can see, the improved mood does not decrease my use of metaphors.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-09-15 at 12:04 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Life moves steadily along with me. Classes, people, places are all becoming more familiar with me. Although, none of this is a stretch from what I am used to being that I left a maritime town for another maritime town. Some hiccups keep happening lately. Various "interviews" with potential thesis supervisors end in "I've got entirely too much to do" and now a certain supervisor has been forced on me even though I have a meeting later today with another "potential." However, the coordinator of the graduate program for English has told me that I am an "easy" thesis to supervise because I am so far into the topic, which I suppose is a compliment. I wouldn't want the term "easy" applied to me in other aspects of my life, though, so I hope it doesn't become trendy. Certain communication problems have been occuring due to a lack of communication or misunderstandings. Example: not knowing when the first class was because of conflicting information. One said it was on Wednesday last week, another said it was going to be this week. It was last week, fyi. Another example: I had told a professor that I wanted to do a certain thing and yet he gave that topic to someone else. Not a problem for I am "easy" and able to change everything for the whims of others. I was there for the first pick and yet got the last thing left. Ah, but that is fine. What really bothers me is that there is an odd number of us grad students in the English department. Five, all girls. Perhaps I did it to myself because of an epidemic of hermitism I have, perhaps the tides caused some sort of seperation for me, but I've become the odd woman out in so many ways. I understand that two girls share an office and so are naturally drawn to one another, but my office sits in between the other two and yet they are friendly. Oh sure, everyone is friendly with one another, but like in elementary school, high school, and university, I am once again the odd woman out. In elementary school, it worked to my advantage. I became the "bridge" between the two dominant groups in our school. I was the diplomat with no country. After I left that school in grade seven, I was given the honour of having bonded the two groups together into one. In high school, I found my own group of odd women. We were the "band geeks," the "computer geeks," general social outcasts. University has always been a solitary experience for me. I tend to bond with people during a class and as the class ends, I move on to another group. At UNBSJ, I was fortunate to be in a small university setting and so I was in classes with a lot of the same people. It gave me a sense of belonging which simply masked the fact that I was a friend by geography. It's a known fact that I bond better with professors, who are more stable figures (ie. I will take their classes multiple times) and not given to graduate before I get to know them. Hence my previous "office": the couch outside the humanities and languages office. Here at Acadia, things have flipped. The students are now the stable figures for this year and they, not the professors, will get to know me more and spend more time with me. This is caused by the fact that the program is a calender year and it's such a small graduate program. I will have little stable contact with professors outside my supervisors for my thesis and for my teaching assistanship. Only four professors will spend four months with me each. My Scholarly Methods class is taught by various people, but the other four classes are taught by a single professor for each class. So, I am "out of my element," so to speak, and facing another year as an odd woman out. Years of practice cause me to do this myself. I'm not very much of a joiner and tend to have my own agenda for my day which does not involve others (other words, I am an anal person who plans every moment and doesn't allow for the spontaneous coffee). So, I get left behind or leave myself behind, ducking out the backdoor while they look at something else. It's hard for me to change my stripes. But I see the group forming, the waters seperating. Maybe I am Moses. Maybe I am just a rock in between the waters, unable to change or move unless the water beats me over the head with a stick. All in all, I've discovered that while I am a pretty nice person and attempt to smile and be personable, I am pretty damn socially inept. And, yet again, the odd woman out.
But damn, it's comfortable here in the middle of the waters. I don't get wet at least.
Sigh.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-09-10 at 4:20 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Well, here I am in my office at Acadia University. My office is pretty bitch'n when compared with a couple of the other grad students. When compared with the actual ideal of an "office," it sucks. No windows. No ventilation so it is hot as hell. However, I like it and at least I have an office and to myself. Unlike the millions of graduate students out there who live and work in boxes, I am lucky.
So, what, you ask, has been happening in my oh so interesting life of the moment. Well, I got to Wolfville on Sunday after a tearful goodbye to my precious cat. My mom, my dad, and I unloaded the last of my things. We set up the biggest pieces: dresser, bookcase, tv. Then we went out to lunch/dinner at the fabulous Swiss Chalet. They left with many hugs and kisses. I turned around in my tiny apartment and nearly cried right then. It was so silent and tiny. I kept expecting noise, but there was none. Monday was a quiet day of setting up the place and twiddling my thumbs. I was seriously bored. I have no cable and no internet at my place so I tried to watch t.v. through the fuzz of my antenna. It majorly sucked.
Tuesday, bright and early, I went to the office to check my email, because the university provided internet. So, I was stupid and wore the worst shoes in the world. My heels were bloody messes. They still hurt. I can barely walk without some pain either from my ankles or from my heels or just sore feet. I suck. Anyway, I met all the graduate students and much of the faculty on Tuesday and experienced Acadia's library, which rocks! Wednesday I had class at 9am: Cutting Edge East Coast Fiction. It was pretty good, but somewhat odd. I will be writing a critical response to the introduction of Dr. David Creelman's book Setting in the East and reading from Dr. Anne Compton's anthology Coastlines, both professors I just left at UNBSJ. Bizarre. Thursday was nothing. Another quiet day at home pining away for my cat. Sniff. Today was Scholarly Methods in which I was assigned to a professor for my teaching assistantship.
Since Tuesday, I have been shopping around for a supervisor for my thesis. It is an annoying process, because I have to go through the list of people and set up times to chat with them, which can be hard if I don't have the internet at home.
All in all, things are fairing well here...
Sigh. I miss my cat.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-09-03 at 6:36 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Hi there,
This will be my last entry for a while. I'm going to Wolfville on Sunday. Unfortunately, Trinity, my cat, will not be coming with me. It's sad news for both her and me. I may cry... It's only a year. I have to keep saying that. Anyway, I'll post if I have time. No promises.
Andrea
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-08-29 at 8:50 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Some interesting SF links I found:
Feminist Science Fiction: A Resource Guide: A guide to the various sources available for an academic study of Feminist SF. Excellent.
Feminist Science Fiction, Speculative Fiction, and Fantasy: Resources for the Serious Fan: An awesome, more detailed resource guide than the one above.
Women in Science Fiction: Biblio of Imagined Sexual Futures: A really good list for all sorts of interesting futures involving sexuality. Awesome.
Lesbian Science Fiction: A list of SF books which involve lesbians or contain lesbians. Interesting.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-08-27 at 11:10 a.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
I PASSED!
I am now a licensed driver. I knew I would pass. Last year when I did it the first time, I didn't think I would pass. I believed I would fail. I was still really nervous this time, but not too too nervous. Not nervous enough to effect my performance. I parallel parked quite well. I did my best and knew it would happen. Aren't I great?
But...
I'll let you in on a little secret. She made me back into a parking space, right? Well, I did it with a tiny problem with having to straighten the car a tad. But, here's the secret: it was my first time doing that. I never told her that, but it was.
That's what I get for not taking driver's ed and having my mother teach me instead. She forgot so many things. When the road tester had to tell me to turn the wheel a certain way...well...I thought for a second I had failed, but nope I did it. Sure, I didn't pass with flying colours, but I don't care. With driving, it doesn't matter whether you do it perfectly. It's only whether you pass or fail and this time...I passed.
And I didn't even hyperventilate.
Excuse me...I have to drive myself to my dentist appointment.
:)
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-08-26 at 11:26 a.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Road test tomorrow. I couldn't sleep last night. I suddenly panicked: "Do you put the car in park and then use the emergency brake? or is it some weird other way?" I don't know why I panicked over a silly thing that I clearly knew the answer to. Also, I've done this before. Last year...granted I failed that time, but I am sure this year will be different, right? It's tomorrow at 10am. If I pass, I get the freedom of leaving the house anytime I want...that is if I am allowed to borrow the car. I might even be nice and take my niece to the beach next week. Sigh. If I don't pass...well, I don't know when I will get another chance to take the test again. I leave on the 4th and I won't have access to a car in Wolfville so...I won't be able to practice or go home and take the test until next summer. But, next summer I will be writing my master's thesis. Lovely. I'll never get my license.
I'm going to cross every limb I have until the test...
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-08-24 at 11:21 a.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Being that I am at my parent's home with internet connection, you would think I would post a few more entries before I left for Wolfville for good, but no. I'm really busy lately and recently came down with a cold, which sucks. On Friday is my long-delayed road test make-up. I failed last summer and then never went back for another test. I am one of those rare people who lack the desire to drive. When I was 16 and living in Ontario, I got my beginners like every other 16 year old. Shortly after my mother began teaching me, I had an accident. I was pulling out of the driveway and I hit a tree tearing the front grill off of my Nana's car. My mom freaked and I never felt secure behind the wheel of a car after that. Obviously, I was one of those "insecure youths" we read about. One blow to my confidence and then no driving. I just didn't get into a car and then we moved to New Brunswick where driving is somewhat of a necessity when you live 40km outside of the city where the public transportation is. So, I got back into a car and then I failed my test. Lovely, ain't it? Oh well, I was so busy with my honours this year that I didn't schedule a make-up. So, now it is on Friday and I still suck at parallel parking. If only I could hook up to the matrix and practice driving and parking there, because my family is entirely to busy to bother helping me parallel park. All I can say is: HELP!
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-08-17 at 11:58 a.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Well, I am back. I spent a few more days in Wolfville than I had projected. I was supposed to be home on Saturday, but it turns out that if I waited until Monday I could get my Student ID and my new laptop. So, I convinced my mom to come and pick me up later. I love my new laptop. It's a really nice Dell. I forget all the things it has (processor speed, etc.), but it's super fast and has a DVD/CD-RW drive. My dad has the wireless network all set up in the house so I'm able to go anywhere in the house with the laptop and be connected to the net.
But that is enough about the funky laptop. My apartment is looking really great. I still have a few more things to bring and to buy, but it's very much my home now. I had a lot of fun in Wolfville. Mostly I set up the apartment, but I did a bit of exploring also. The town is small, but it's got some really nice little shops. There are two bookstores I particularily enjoyed. I think it might have three bookstores, but I never got to the other one. That's a lot of bookstores for a tiny town. Anyway, one bookstore I didn't get to explore much, but I think it carries both used and new books. That one is Box of Delights. The other bookstore is The Odd Book, which carries only used books. I found a few books in both stores. The Odd Book was that best of the two and I didn't even explore the whole shop. I love used books both for the price and the fact that I am recycling an unwanted book. It's like going to a book pound. If I were a business person, I would definitely have a used book store in a university town. It's just such a good thing for poor university students and book lovers like me.
I met a few of my professors. The head of the English Department, Dr. Richard Davies, showed me around and got me all registered. He took me down to special collections in the library, which was fabulous and may be my new haunt. He also introduced me to my fall professors: for 20th Cent British Gothic, Dr. Anne Quema, and for Canadian Lit, Dr. Herb Wylie. I managed to get a glimpse of UNBSJ's Dr. David Creelman's Honour's thesis. I find that really neat. It was on Keats. I wish I could remember the title... Then I got my office key. My office still has stuff from the previous person. It almost looks like he lived there... Oh well. The secretary, Christine Reed, is going to contact the student and see what to do with the stuff. I got my own office, which is nice. There are going to be 5 (including me) of us grad students this year, all girls. I think there are four or three offices for us. Two one rooms and one with four...there might be another one, but I am not sure. The offices are just study carrols (is that how you spell that??) really so it's not fabulous, but totally awesome that I got my own for going so early. I also got my ID all coded for after hours access to the Arts Building.
I started feeling like a student there, but my nervousness about the fall has not depleted. I'm a little bit more nervous. I don't know how that is possible. I thought I had reached my peak in how nervous I could get, but no...I still had a bit more left. Oh well. It's mainly because I am feeling a tad unconfident. I loved it there, but I felt a bit like I was out of my league, which is silly of me because I know I am a good student and I know I can do the work. I am mostly anxious about the professors and how I respond to them. The ones I met seemed really great. I'm sure I will be fine. This past year was telling to how good of a student I am.
I'll miss UNBSJ, though. All of my professors there were fabulous. I loved it there, which is why I didn't leave after I graduated but continued on for my honours. I just hope Acadia will be as great of an experience.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-08-06 at 10:13 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
O so many things have been happening since I last came here. I finished restoring my trunk and it looks fabulous. I sanded my kitchen table and re-varnished the top of it. I sanded my old childhood dresser and stained it a dark walnut. Tomorrow I revarnish it. I read two books since the last post. I got my hair cut and I dyed it on my own...badly. It is now "Orange," but my father reassures me it "isn't that bad." I have an appointment with the head of the English Department at Acadia next week. Let's hope I don't look like a punk girl. I bought a new business-like outfit for that appointment. I'm going to Wolfville on Sunday to spend the week setting up my apartment. I will take the bus to Halifax one day and scout the used bookstores for books for the fall. I'm going to have fun, but read tons. So, in conclusion, this will be my last post until Sunday the 15th at which time I will definitely have something to post about.
Sincerely,
Andrea
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