2004-07-28 at 11:41 a.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Well, the university finally sent me my registration package, which I am ecstatic about. However, doesn't September 7th seem a little late for registration? Anyway, so I am trying to make an appointment with my advisor for earlier than that. I'm going to Wolfville on August 8th-14th. I cannot wait. I only have a few more things to get for the apartment, too. While I am in Wolfville, I will get my cell phone. Who knew what a confusing job it was looking for a cell phone? I found the one I like a Nokia 3586i, which is $0 with a new activation. However, the web does not tell me what a new activation involves. Argh! It's also really ridiculous that features for a cell phone in fun package deals are reduced for those reduced price package deals. I mean...geez talk about cheap. I'm still looking for extra scholarships and bursaries. I really only have to find $2000-$3000 to make the next year work well for me budget wise.
Okay, so with my family driving me nuts and treating me like a non-person lately...I want to go right now.
Watch me be home sick during the week I am away. I would do that. Grr.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-07-27 at 6:10 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
GET ME OUT OF HERE!!
I want to move out now, because the word "family" should be a four-letter word.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-07-22 at 8:51 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Well, Sunday I bought a TV and DVD player and now tomorrow I will take back the DVD player. I was sceptical about buying a cheap DVD player and it turns out my scepticism was warranted because the DVD player that cost me $50 is worth less than that. Anyway, so back to the stores. I think I might just put a few more bucks into the whole affair and get one of those DVD/VCR combos by Sony. At least with Sony I know what I am getting.
I've been buying a lot lately. DVD aside (unless we think of the sanity factor or "all work and no play makes Andrea a dull girl" factor), it is all stuff I need. Mainly books for next year and stuff for my new place. I got more dystopias/SF in the mail today: The Dispossessed, by Le Guin; Woman on the Edge of Time and He, She, and It, by Marge Piercy; and, Mind of my Mind, by Octavia Butler. I'm still waiting for various Special Order books from Amazon.ca which will ship in the next month....or two (doesn't seem promising). I seem to be getting everything in order. My trunk is done and restored. All I have left now is refinishing my dresser and the top of my kitchen table. I could go to Wolfville in two weeks if it weren't for the lack of living money for the few weeks before classes start. I have money...just not enough to warrant spending a few hundred on living expenses when I get it all free living at home until the end of August. So, the projected leaving day is around the 31st of August or 1st of September or a week before classes start. I'm going again on the 9th of August for a week to clean a bit more and unpack/set up so that the week before classes is mainly me getting familiar with the town and university.
Ok...I'm ready... Now where is my registration package or like any word from the university? Sigh...
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-07-19 at 9:14 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
The summer is dragging on in its lovely boring way. Oh look! Another rainy day...which I am sure will be followed by yet another rainy day after which we will have two days of niceness and then rain...again. Is it just me or is everyone singing that old childhood fav, "Rain, rain, go away. Come again another day...", or how about, "It's raining, it's pouring. The old man is snoring..."?
Sigh. I need to start reading some happier books.
Any suggestions? I don't believe I've read a really happy book like ever... Have you? Do they exist? Help!
Addendum: I mean a happy book that is semi-intellectual. Example: A book which is for adults with post-secondary education and not self-helpy.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-07-17 at 11:05 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
I saw two movies tonight.
1) Fahrenheit 9/11:
Extremely good. I recommend it to all who haven't seen it...except I'm pretty sure all of my readers have seen it, but then who knows? It left me very mad, but grounded. It answered some questions for me and left me with tons more. At the end of the film, Moore quotes George Orwell saying:
It's not a matter of whether the war is not real, or if it is, Victory is not possible. The war is not meant to be won, it is meant to be continuous. Hierarchical society is only possible on the basis of poverty and ignorance. This new version is the past and no different past can ever have existed. In principle the war effort is always planned to keep society on the brink of starvation. The war is waged by the ruling group against its own subjects and its object is not the victory over either Eurasia or East Asia but to keep the very structure of society intact.
I thought it was fitting to end the movie with that quote. When I last read 1984 by George Orwell, it was after the planes hit the world trade center in New York City. The summer after my third year of university. I had just finished Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale and so thought I would read Orwell's dystopia again, because I was already in the state of the disturbed. To say that the book is chilling to read at any time is to not do it justice. To say that the book made me look at the state of things at the time, the bombings in Afganistan, the holding of many Arabic/Islamic peoples in the states, the new security measures taken, the "terror" all over because of the very idea of "terror," which was never defined. I read the book and shuddered. The rest of the summer I believe I read kid's books and fluffy novels that had no substance. I look at the supposed "unbiased" television of the US and am not surprised at all about the fact that the people of the US did not clue in earlier about the lies of their "president." Just like in 1984 our information is controlled. Supposed "independent" media is not unbiased but run, like the US president, by companies that place their interests in a political side they created to support their interests and cause their media companies to support that side or not go on air. It is in Canada. Why in the hell is Ben-the-fucker Mulroney hosting both E-Talk Daily and Canadian Idol? Because his father is on the board at CTV. What does this mean for CTV media? Right-wing, because their board members support the right-wing, because they are members of the Conservative party. Same with the US. The idea of Newspeak, which Orwell introduces in 1984 exists at this moment. Why at the height of the conflict between the US and the countries who did not support them (Ahem...France) did every burger joint/mom and pop diner change their french fries and french toast to freedom this freedom that? Because in the world of US politics, to be unfaithful to your country, to not support everything your country does is to be against the supposed basis of that country (ie. Freedom, pursuit of happiness, the idea of the "individual," etc.). So, the very words which go against the "basis of the US" become shunned. Newspeak takes over. People drop out of French classes, they stop calling them French fries and French toast. They stop buying French wine. People start buying only American products, because those in America believe that they need to support the country in the time of war and "terror" and buy American not realizing that Nike and Walmart exploit the workers of foreign countries and their very workers in their very own country. Not realizing that the supposed "terrror" is false, because all the media is controlled by the powerful businesses who created the politicians. Not realizing that to shun the protests, to suppress the opposition as Un-American is to go against the fundamental rights of the "United States of America." Freedom means not having to be afraid to get a disease. Freedom means not being worried about having an opinion. Freedom means that you won't be hauled in to a holding facility because you wear Arabic clothes or for an earlier example because you sit at the front of a bus and you are black. Freedom means you can fucken protest whatever the hell you want. Protest the protestors. Who cares? But just remember that the protestors have a right to speak. If the US wants to support Freedom of the Individual...then fucken do it. Flood the media with all the information that is suppressed. Show the people what America is. I'd like to see what America and Canada are, because I don't know. I'm not saying Canada is better. Look at the suppression of information at the height of the Sponsorship Scandal. The whole world is fucked.
But then again...maybe I've been reading too many dystopias lately. I've read four and a half in a row so far...I'm getting gloomier than hell...
2) The Butterfly Effect:
In spite of the lack of a single good actor in the movie and the presence of one of the most reprehensible young actors today, Ashton Kutcher, it was a movie that was made good by one fact: an excellent script. The concept of the film was intriguing, disturbing and very suspenseful to watch. If the acting was mediocre, the ideas that the movie led you through were thought-provoking and strange. I must say though that the first 30 minutes of the film are rather more disturbing than the average person who loves children can take. There were several scenes involving children which would land several children in with psychiatrists and at least one adult in jail. In spite of the disturbing parts and the bad acting, which was easy to get past considering the story propelled the viewer faster than Ashton could say "huh?", it was a good movie. Not excellent, but good. It would have been excellent had they picked a group of better actors. If any of you, like me, didn't see the movie in the theatre because of the actors involved, I suggest you see it on video. It was really quite interesting.
This movie didn't help my gloomy mood and me seeing the world as fucked and basically doomed because of human nature. I think I need to read something really happy, like an Edgar Allan Poe story....oh wait...
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-07-16 at 11:30 a.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
I'm going to give you a little family history, because scribblingwoman is currently in Leeds, which is the place of my family history. I'm first generation Canadian on my father's side. On my mother's side, I'm a fifth or sixth generation Canadian and part of the first tillers of the land. My father was born in Leeds, Yorkshire. He only spent 8 years there, though, before his mother and father decided to pursue the Canadian dream. A lot of people don't realize the existence of the Canadian dream. But Canada happened to offer the exact thing my father needed: clean air. My father was majorly asthmatic as a child. The air in Leeds was not exactly the best air and was choked with the smoke of industry. My grandad had never seen my father run without doubling over in an asthma fit. My grandad went over first by plane and found a job in a Montreal printing press company. It was 1959 or 1960 and planes were a strange thing for my nana. She decided to take her children over on one of the last boats to Canada before planes actually took over. My nana endured the boat ride with two children, one of them hyper and running for the first time with freedom. When my grandad met the boat in Montreal, my father ran into his arms for the first time in his life. My grandad knew his dream of Canada was realized.
I can't help but be jealous of people who go to England, the place of our family history and present family. My last name is rather rare in the world only a few thousand of us all over the planet. Most of us are in England, some in California, some in Australia, and one of my cousins in Africa. We have a church named after us in England, but none of us have been particularily popular or become stars. We are a humble family driven by our strong family ties. Years ago my father put together a family tree showing how we were connected to all the other branches of people with our last name. We are connected to everyone with our last name whether four generations or six generations back. It's really fabulous being part of that. That's why my sister has kept her name after marriage and given her name to all her children. If marriage or children or both ever happen for me, I would keep my last name also. Our family name means a lot us.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-07-15 at 1:21 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
At the moment, I am restoring an old trunk my nana gave me for my hopechest, which is simply her hint that I should get married or should aspire to marriage and put all sorts of marriage things in it like dollies and fine china. If I were a lesbian, I would totally marry my girlfriend just to shock my nana into thinking differently. Unfortunately, I am not, but maybe that is a good thing...because my nana is getting on in years. My sister has a trunk, also. However, hers is a new trunk and pine. I wanted an old trunk. The trunk my nana gave me was not very well cared for. It looks and smells as if it has been sitting in a barn for some years. It's tin-covering pine or maybe cedar. First, I took turpentine to it with steel wool and got a million and one steel splinters in my hand. However, all the turpentine did was push the dirt around and strip the stain from the wood. The wood looked better, but the trunk was still dirty as a pig in mud. Today, I took Murphy's oil soap to it and now it isn't dirty, but it still doesn't look that great. I'm going to strip the stain off the wood some more, I think. Then use steel wool again. Then clean it again and rub it with lemon oil. I think the major problem is the rust on it. In a few spots, it has this cluster of rust which looks pretty bad. All in all, it's a nice trunk. I'm just not sure what to do about that rust. Either to get rid of it or to make sure it won't spread. I'm kind of at a loss about it. Anyone got any ideas that don't involve painting it...?
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-07-10 at 6:38 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Well, I bought (or rather put a down-payment on) a futon today. My mother is giving me her kitchen table and chairs and I am lending her the money to buy a new set for herself. By next week, I will have all I need to move out. I'm buying a cheap tv and dvd player so I can watch movies and my dvds of Buffy for my only source of entertainment. I have basically everything I need. I'm reading books for my masters (Suzy Mckee Charnas' Walk to the End of the World at the moment...all books I've read before, but am having fun reading with my new critical eye). I'm incredibly excited about this.
If you had told me two years ago that this was the path I was on, I would have laughed in your face. I have this "is this real?" expression on my face lately. I'm trying to think realistically and tell myself that it will be hard, but I keep reverting into uncontained hyper-excitedness. It's a medical condition. Unfortunately, the cure is a lobotomy. I kinda need my brain... Anyway, I'm ready now. I finally feel ready. I know that it will be a lot of work, but I'm no stranger to work. This past semester, I took four classes (including the teeth-clenching Literary Theory) and wrote my honour's thesis with no mark below an A- and the rest of the year was the same. I've never been more confident, more happy, more organized.
When I entered into university, I was but a mere child. I was extremely depressed for the first two years of university at a nOntario university. I lacked the confidence to see that I was even smart enough to do the work. I never failed a class or got below 60%, but I wasn't living up to my potential as a student. My aunt died of cancer a few months after I started university. It was that, I believe, and the fact that I was alone at the university, that caused much of my unhappiness in my first two years. My aunt was a large part of my life. We would go to her cottage every summer. She was the "glue" that held my mother's side of the family together. She organized tons of family reunions. When we lost her, we lost our matriarch. I wasn't able to go to her funeral because I was recovering from a suicide attempt.
I've always regarded my first two years as a complete and utter failure on my part. I've always looked back at those years with major regret. I still have the regret, but it's different. I regret that I hated myself so much. I don't regret my life or my decisions, because that is no use (besides without the decision I made, I would not be here). I just wish I had liked me a bit more. I'm on the cusp of an important life change and having gone through what I went through in my first two years I am wiser. I think the most important thing for me is to care for myself--to like myself. It might sound new-agey or self-helpy or mushy, but I think it's important to be confident in yourself. I was talking to my mother today about my first two years of university. It's always a topic that makes her sad (the memory of helplessness she felt as I tried to destroy myself, knowing that she couldn't help me so far away). I said to her, "I don't regret those first two years anymore. I am proud of myself, actually. I managed to 'keep on, keepin on' and pushed through. I never failed so I can't see myself as a failure any more. I'm where I am, as strong as I am, because of those years. Without those years, I wouldn't know myself as I do today and know how great I am." I see me in those two years as a different person than me now. I'm much stronger. As nervous as I am about being a master's student and being on my own (again), I know I will succeed, because, hell, if I put my mind to something...just try and stop me.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-07-08 at 10:14 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
So, I went to the dentist today for an appointment I was supposed to go to a year ago, but got too busy to go and then forgot. I got my two bottom front teeth refilled, because when I was 9 or 10 I fell off a pogo-ball and hit my chin causing a discolouration due to the trauma healing the chin and not making my teeth perfect. When I was 17, I got them filled and coloured correctly, which was great until the colouring turned yellow and the filling began to fall out as all fillings do eventually. Anyway, so...that's not the real reason for this entry. I've had this sore tooth for ages in the back of my mouth. This tooth has a filling in it already except where it hurts. Anyway, this year I've been experiencing a lot of discomfort with my jaw. It started with me waking up in the night with my jaw locked and me having to prise it open with my finger so it didn't damage my teeth. Then I began to realize that I was clenching my teeth and grinding them at night. This happened mostly when I was stressed out, which was a lot this year. I'm okay with the stress, because of the grades I got this year. However, the clenching and jaw problems have been getting ridiculous. Anyway, around march break I began to have soreness in my back tooth. I didn't have time to go to the dentist. One night I woke up with something hard in my mouth...which I thought was part of my tooth. I was told today that I ground out my filling in that back tooth. Half of my filling is gone. I'm guessing now that hard thing, which was grey, was a filling piece. I really should have gone to the dentist at that point. Oh well, I suck at taking care of myself. Anyway, the dentist is getting me in for my checkup and is going to fit me with a bite plate to save my teeth and jaw from any future damage. My jaw will start feeling better and I won't have to spend money on new fillings. The clenching and grinding won't stop, but hey...that's me. Stressed out Andrea. Anyway, I learned some interesting things while asking the dentist questions about my teeth with my bottom lip frozen:
1) When you clench your teeth in sleep, you can clench them 10 times harder than what you can in the daytime.
2) More women require bite plates because of clenching and grinding their teeth than men, which is consistent with the stats that women are more liable to be stressed out than men.
I kind of wish I had that bite plate now...as I wait to find out about my student loan being reassessed and seeing whether I get that $4000 gap in my budget filled...sigh.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-07-07 at 7:32 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
It is confirmed: I am evil. Bah ha ha ha.
My grand plan of drawing others into Neopets has been achieved in a small way. I have drawn Ratboy into Neopets.
Actually, I am truly sorry. I have been addicted to Neopests every summer for the past 812 days. My neopet, Poloxina, is a blue Bruce. Seen here:
I'm working on the addiction. The pills will kick in a few years.
In the interim, I suggest a few places to go daily for a regular dose of Neopets fun and Neopoints(NPs).
And so begins my list of "How to survive Neopets by only playing a half-hour a day...unless you decide to play the games and that's where time gets away from you..."
1. Bank all NPs in the National Neopian Bank, but before you do that collect your interest every day.
2. Go to Coltzan's Shrine once a day for level-ups, defense boosts, food, items, and neopoints.
3. Collect your daily free food. At the Giant Omelette and at the Giant Jelly.
4. Visit Tiki Tack Tombola once a day to pick a ticket. I recently won a codestone which I sold in my shop for 3700NP. By the way, have a shop in which to sell your lovely found items.
5. Visit Fruit Machine daily for free food and NP.
6. Visit the various wheels: The Wheel of Excitement(costs 150 NP, can play every 2 hours); The Wheel of Monotony(costs 100NP and takes forever to land on the item...around a half hour); The Wheel of Mediocrity(costs 50NP); and, The Wheel of Misfortune(cost 100NP, but has some bad outcomes...).
7. Visit Test Your Strength(cost 100 NP).
8. Try your luck with Dice-A-Roo, where I win food and other items. I also once won the jackpot of 14,155NP. That was my glory day.
9. Visit Healing Springs where the fairy gives you items, NP, or heals your pets.
Anyway, try to stay away from the Neopets. It's addictive, especially the games where you win lots of NP. I've spent many a summer day with my eyes glazed over pressing the "roll the dice" button in Dice-A-Roo. *shudders* Truly sorry, Ratboy.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-07-07 at 10:11 a.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Well, I did the first move-in to Wolfville. Still in NB, though, until the end of August due to major lack of funds. Also, still need a couch and kitchen table with chairs. Garage sales here I come. My apartment looks nice. It's all clean now due to the efforts my mom and I made on Monday. We cleaned the bathroom, kitchen, the disgusting stove, and vacumed the entire place. My cupboards have shelf liner and my stove now gleams (although, my mom bears the cuts all over her hands from that evil beast). I wonder how some people can live in such filth. I'm also glad I didn't clean the stove because I would have thrown up. It was really gross. I also set up my mailbox at the post office. So, I now have a place for my mail...if I had mail.
It doesn't look like I will be getting back again until the beginning of August. My parents are going to nOntario for two weeks and then my sister is going to PEI with her family for a week. So, the next time will be a couple weeks before the final move-in. I'm excited and yet really really nervous at the same time. It seems I'm conflicted...
Of course, I'd feel a lot better if my budget weren't short $4000 to make it even... Damn the man.
Sincerely,
Andrea
2004-07-01 at 6:53 p.m.
To Whom it May Concern,
Well, it's a new month and I finally figured out how to make a new page for my diary entries. I've created a photo album with an old site I had. My dollhouse pictures will reside there once I get them developed and scanned. I'm still hoping that digital cameras will drop from the sky for me...
Here is my photo album.
Sincerely,
Andrea
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